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Even I ...




SAVED. BORN AGAIN. REDEEMED. How can a skeptical, intellegent, stubborn and closed minded (if you know me you'll agree) logic and science lover, like me, buy into some nonsense of miracles and raising from the dead? A tempting serpent, a zooful of animals floating in a giant flood, parting the sea..etc. How can I believe a holy book that's been obviously written and translated by man and said to be God inspired? How can I believe in eternal life and the only way to it is through this Jesus guy? How can I believe in a church with what I see on TV...hellfire, brimstone and send us a check? Or mega churches, that look like shopping malls, bringing in billions of dollars and paying pastors millions? How could I ever swallow this stuff?

Well, for me, I came to a point in my life where I felt my existence was useless, happiness was an elusive and pointless endeavor, and if I believed in a soul it was like a hollow rotting log. I was spent. No will to live on. I hated myself and if you were happy I secretly hated you! I didn't know how yet but I knew what I needed to do was to end it. end me.

 Alone and desperate, I cried out painfully to the popcorn ceiling in my room, "Prove yourself God!" "If You or Jesus, or anybody can convince me why I should continue existing I'm willing to listen!" I continued, "If you do not, it confirms you are a myth, and of course I have fairly given myself the benefit of the doubt!"

What followed is hard to explain. I drank myself asleep and dreamed some dreams. I do not remember them only that they were profound. I felt a warmth and comfort not physically but somewhere else. I began to thumb through some scripture but more out of boredom. Tired still, I watched a lady named Joyce Meyer on TV. Some of what she said did make sense. Some did not. She also told her awful story of childhood and I was amazed she was up preaching about it frankly.

The next day I guess some of this preaching got on the inside of me but I was compelled, somehow to learn a little more and I don't remember exactly when but alone in a room I asked Jesus to stay around. Not to come but to stay because I had really felt His presense. The air itself was different, in an unexplainable way. I am guessing this was my point of conversion. I had only said a simple yes to an offer that was on the table the whole time. That was it though. I sure had a lot of growing and learning to do before I would even call my self a "Christian". The undeniable presence of God through Jesus and by the Holy Spirit WILL come to you too... oh skeptic! If this black-hearted, pessimistic, bull-headed, son of the devil himself can believe so can you!
 Ephesians 1: 11-12 It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

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